


Unintentional Devotion

by orphan_account



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Explicit Sexual Content, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-11
Updated: 2018-10-15
Packaged: 2019-07-29 08:34:14
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,582
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16260548
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Dan and Phil have always done everything together and after and unfortunate event, they are left to raise twins together.





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Do not get discouraged at the word count. The prologue is always shorter than the chapters.

“Dan calm down!” A heavily pregnant Rose rolled her eyes and gripped her stomach as another contraption agonized her small body. She placed her hands on a dining chair to steady herself. 

Dan was grabbing a camera, while Phil grabbed the other miscellaneous stuff they needed to take with them to the hospital. 

“I've called an Uber, they should be here,” Phil looked out the window, “now.” 

The heavily pregnant Rose hissed through her teeth, “we better leave before I give way on the floor!”

Dan gave Phil the, now recording, camera, and the rest of the objects needed for the hospital. “Hey little ones,” Phil smiled at the camera, “I think it's about time to meet the two of you. Your Mummy and Daddy are getting ready to go to the hospital, and as you can tell, they have given me everything including the camera.” 

Rose rolled her eyes, “you want to be in my predicament?” 

Phil laughed, “you will realize that your mum is very sarcastic.” 

“Hey!” She smiled through the pain, “don't be telling my children that!” 

Dan, “hey guys, I think we should go before the uber decides to abandon us.” 

Phill followed along with the camera in hand, filming everything that occurred while on the way to the hospital. Young Rose, during the car ride, practically crushed Dan’s hand; whilst young Daniel yelled at the driver to go faster. 

“You, children, are witnessing the primal aspects of your parents.” 

“Shut up!” They both yelled in unison. 

He looked down at the camera, “see, I told you so.”

When they arrived at the hospital, they were informed that Rose was already dilated and that it was to late for an epidural. These babies were ready to see the world. 

It was time to “jump in and get these babies out,” were Dan’s exact words. 

Phil was allowed in the delivery room, since he had been with the couple through everything. And, according to Dan, if Phil wasn't there, he would pass out without his friend there. Phil decided that he would be able to handle if for his friends, and they wanted someone to videotape after the babies were born. 

The first child, a little boy, came with no complications, just a lot of screaming and Dan being told, in so few words, that he would never have sex again with his wife. But, when the second child was ready to come, there were a few complications. The doctor asked the nurses to escort both of them out, and that they would inform Dan of everything that was going along. 

Dan protested, but agreed to leave the hospital room. His wife smiled and clasped his hands. “Go, I will be alright,” She informed, “if it's better for me and the baby, then that's what we need to do.” Dan smiled as a tear fell down his face, and followed the nurse outside of the room. 

A few minutes later, and Dan pacing back and forth one hundred and twenty seven times, a nurse brought a small child wrapped in a light blue blanket out. “We have no word on your wife yet, but we thought you might want to hold your son for a moment.” 

Dan took the child into his arms, careful to hold the child's head the correct way. The baby was tiny and soft, gripping Dan’s finger with its small gentle hands. Phil picked up the camera and captured the first moments Dan had with the first child. The brunet cried tears of joy and the small child. 

“I have a son,” he whispered through the tears. 

Phil chimed in, “and another one on the way.” 

Both them men cooed over the small child until Roses doctor came through the dreaded double doors. Dan carefully handed the hours old baby to Phil. 

“Doctor, how is Rose and our baby?” Dan smiled, wanting the best of news. 

“Mr. Howell, we were able to... save the infants life, but… your wife… she didn't make it.” The doctor watched the young man's face fall. “I'm really sorry Mr. Howell, we did all that we could.”

“She wasn't supposed to… Rose was… she wasn't… she's not dead.” 

“Mr. Howell, we will give you time to fill out both of the infants paperwork. In the meantime, I need you to come with me.” 

A nurse took the small child from Phil's arm. “He needs to come with me,” Dan said. 

“I'm sorry, but-” 

“My wife is… and I have two motherless children. He's coming with me.” 

“Okay Mr. Howell. If that is what you need, we will give you a few minutes, and then we have to discuss everything. 

Dan walked over to Phil and wrapped his arms around Phil's neck. 

“Don't leave me. Never leave me please.” 

Phil nodded. “I won't ever leave you.”


	2. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter is still a little short. I'm getting a feel for the new additions and the story itself.
> 
> I really hope you like the names. I went with more unique names.

**2 ½ Years Later**

“Hello Dan and Phil Games Toddler Racers,” Phil announced waving the young Michael’s hand.

“Could you be anymore obvious?” Dan laughed, bouncing the bubbly Finny on his lap.

“I think that they probably have no clue what I'm talking about, Danny boy,” he looked down at Michael, “isn't that right Micha?”

“I thought we discussed the nicknames,” Dan eyed Phil, but grinned anyways. Phil had taken to calling Michael “Micha”, and the two of them couldn't come to terms with it, yet. Phil would keep calling him Micha until it stuck with Dan.

“We did, but I'm going to keep calling him it,” Phil announced an smiled at the toddler, “and just you watch, Dan, our viewers will be on board too!”

“I highly fucking doubt it!” Dan laughed and then slapped his hand over his mouth.

“Dan, watch your language!” Phil scolded. Since the twins had been born, Dan had tried to hold back on dropping f-bombs. But, sometimes they slipped during filming and other situations where he used to not have to control it.

“Daddy has to put a dollar in the swear jar,” Micha clapped. That was one of the only sentence the twins could fully form.

Finny reached over, her small arms unable to grab the jar that was set on the table. Dan held her up and let her grab the small, plastic jar. They had learned that glass was not the route to take when it came to the twins small hands.

“Put a dollar in, Daddy,” Finny held out the small jar. Dan reached into his pocket and pulled out a dollar.

He looked at the camera, “they are going to drain me for all I am worth.” He smiled as both of the twins laughed.

“Anyways,” Phil interjected, “today, if you haven't figured it out we are going to do a,” he and dan made mysterious noises and pop sounds meaning a “Dan vs Phil”, “but with a twist.”

“Ah, yes, and what is this twist you speak of?” Dan asked.

“Well, if they couldn't tell, today we have the twins with us today. And, they have been competing to learn their lefts from their rights.”

“So what does this mean for us Phil?” Dan questioned.

“We both had the idea of playing Mario Kart, but with a twist. We both have our team member,” Phil motioned to Micha and Finny, “who has to tell us which direction we have to go.”

“We haven't played this version with either of them, but they're always watching us play and asking us if they can play too.”

“And just to prove that this is somewhat going to work,” Phil looked down at both of the toddlers, “Micha, Finny, can you hold out your left hand?”

Both the children held out the correct hand, and did they same with the right hand.

“As you can see, I have some intelligent two years old here.”

The two of them started the game, picking the character they wanted. Dan was playing as Peach, and Phil was playing as Toad.

Both men screamed and laughed as the children helped them race through the maze fumbling through their lefts and rights. Both them were ran into walls and off the track than they the time they spent on course. All four of them competed super hard, leaving Phil and Micha to take the lead and win the game.

“Next time, Daddy!” The always happy Finny cheered as she was happy for her slightly older brother.

“ We will see you next time. Comment below if you enjoyed us including the twins in our Dan vs. Phil. You can click on Dan’s channel over here, or you can check out min right here. Our last video is over here.” Phil announced, and they all ended the video with a “bye.”

“Now we have to edit the videos,” Dan lifted Finny into his arms, “then we will post it and a bunch of people will see your skills.” Both the twins laughed and clapped.

Since adding the children to both of their channels they had seen an increase of their fanbase. Giving the people what they wanted seemed to be the two of them interacting more with the children. Neither of them minded though. After they had added the twins to their content, the channel itself became much more fun.

After Dan had lost Rose, the channels had practically disappeared from existence when some of their close friends told them they should start back. And then the rains started forming sentences and learning how to form human interaction.

It was a slow startup to the channel being “reborn” as Phil had called it in the beginning. After doing the video today, both men were happy this is where their lives were going now.

“Do you want me to cut up some apples while Daddy goes and edits the video?”

Both children chimed in with a “yes”. Dan rolled his eyes as Phil got out of editing the video. Phil just winked and took the children down to the kitchen.

A few hour later and an hour long video cut down to a little over twenty minutes, Dan was finished. He stretched his arms above his head, and dragged himself out of the chair. He could hear the twins and Phil making noises with pots and pans. Since Finny and Michael had been born the two decided it was time to learn domestic things such as cooking. Rose had been great at cooking, and the children would need accurate food in the future.

“Something smells great.”

“Oh, hey, I didn’t see you there!”

“Daddy, Daddy, we making chicken rice,” The twins said in almost unison. Though they were doing nothing, the twins always “helped” making food. Dan usually made breakfast, and Phil covered lunch; then they would switch off for supper.

“It was my turn to make supper,” Dan commented.

“The kids were hungry, and I thought that you might want a break after editing so much.” Phil cut a few raw carrots for the children to have on the side. Dan made a face, “don’t give me that look, you know that it’s better for the children, and us too.”

“I know, but carrots, raw?”

Phil rolled his eyes and continued to cut up the carrots, “for your information, we have mashed strawberries as well.”

Dan, along with the children, had a smile cross their face. “These are definitely your children, there is no doubt about it.” He poured the baked chicken into the simi-boiling rice. “Dan will you get some plates down from the cabinet.”

Dan got down the plastic plates. They had learned that everything plastic was better than glass. Being men, neither of them were borned with motherly instinct. But throughout the twins two and a half years they had learned what to do and not to do.

Phil plated all four plates, giving the children the average servings that the books recommended. One thing that had surprised Dan was the day after Roses funeral. He was up with the babies, crying in the night, and he noticed a light on in Phil's room while holding Finny. Inside he found Phil, who had bought around fifteen baby books, reading late at night. And even as the twins grew, he would still read a book every month or so.

“Do you want to watch something?” He asked the twins as they carried their plates to the living room.

Both the twins looked at each other, “Naruto!” The twins had gotten obsessed with anime, Naruto was the one they were hooked on now. Both men had to save their more explicit amines for after the twins fell asleep.

They all settled into the small couch eating their food and laughing at the comedic aspects of the show. Dan took the plates from the lazy eyed twins, both starting to fall asleep on Phil.

“Micha and Finny are so sleepy after today’s events.”

“That nickname is going to stick now that you used it in the video,” Dan rolled his eyes, “you know the fans are going to think it's cute and everything.”

“It is cute,” Phil quirked his eyebrow, “and you can't tell me otherwise.”

“His name is Michael. You should know that Phil Michael Lester, or should I call you Phil Micha Lester?”

“It's still cute,” Phil acknowledged. He looked down at the small twins. Micha was snuggling against his arm and Finny was laid against him. “I think we should put them to bed.”

Dan hoisted Finny up into his arms, while Phil took Micha up. Both children were sound asleep in their arms. Tonight they wouldn't have to read a story to get them settled down.

They got them both into bed without waking them up. “I'm going to go post the video now,” Dan said, “and then I will join you in the living room.”

Phil nodded. “I will put in Death Note?”

“You got it mate,” Dan held his hand in the “okay” symbol.

Tomorrow they would see what the world thought of Micha—the name seemed to have stuck— and Finny.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I pronounce Micha as "Meeka" but some people pronounce it as "Myka". I will leave that to, you, the reader.
> 
> As always comment and let me know if you think this is the right kind of start. Kudo and subscribe is you want.


	3. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapters are getting longer!

“We need to do a live stream,” Phil handed Finny a bowl of cereal, “we could do one later today with the twins or we could do one tonight with the both of us.”

“They really liked the twins in the last gaming video, but you know all the questions they ask us during the live streams.”

“The twins won’t understand anything they ask us.”

“But still,” Dan handed Micha a bowl of Oatmeal. The small toddler was the only one of them that didn’t cereal, so instead they usually resulted in instant oatmeal and a variety of fruits.

“I think the twins will be fine during a live stream,” Phil cocked his head to the left.

“And,” Dan scowled, “I don’t. End of story.”

Dan sat the twins down at the table and walked out of the room. “Will the two of you stay here, I need to go talk with Daddy?”

  
“Yes!” The twins giggled and stuffed their faces. They were always well behaved in the morning. Phil made sure all the childproof locks were in place before leaving the room.

Phil slowly opened the door to Dan’s bedroom. The room was slightly lit from the outside light, but otherwise the room was dark. He stepped inside the dim and depressing room. “Dan?” Phil called out to the depressed human from sitting in the chair. No response came from Dan.

“I’m sorry for suggesting we use the children in our live streams. I know how you feel when it comes to exposing the children to our fans.”

“It’s really not even that.” Dan put his face in his hands. He looked like he was stressed, but at the same time he looked better now that Phil was here in the room.

“Then what is it?”

“Micha and Finny are over two years old. They’re beginning to make full sentences, and they’re becoming like little functioning humans.”

“That’s a good thing though,” Phil put his hands on Dan’s shoulders, “it means that they're healthy.”

“I know that,” Dan removed his face from his hands and looked up at Phil.

“Then what is the matter with you?”

“I don’t want the twins to feel like they have to follow in our footsteps.”

“You don’t want them to be Youtubers?”

“I don’t want them to think that they have to pursue Youtube. I’m not saying that I don’t love youtube because I do. I just don’t want them to think that they can’t go to university or something and do what they love. I didn’t love law and I got lucky becoming the person I am today.”

Phil squeezed Dan’s shoulder, offering a comforting hand.

“I just feel like if we put the twins in the spotlight then they will never be able to be themselves. They will always have to be careful of what they say and do. I just don't want to put them in something that they can't get out of.”

Phil understood what Dan said, but in the same sense he disagreed with the brunet.

“I don't think that you're forcing the twins into anything. As they're smaller they love the attention and interacting with the things we do. Everyone seems to love them, and in the future we can cross that bridge when we get there. What's to say we will even have our channels in fifteen to sixteen years.”

Dan clasped one of the hands on his shoulder, “do you really think that it's okay to use the twins?”

“I think that it's okay as long as they're happy and as long as we are happy. We are a family Dan,” He squeezed Dan’s hand, “a happy family. I think that we get along just fine with what we are doing.”

“I guess you're right.”

“I know I am. Now come eat some cereal. Micha and Finny are probably wondering what we are doing.” 

* * *

“Did you post the twitter announcement?”

“Yep, we should start the live stream in thirty minutes.”

Phil opened the app and read most some of the comments, “it looks like everyone is expecting to see the children.”

Dan’s face whitened. He was now a pale, sickly looking color.

“Hey don't worry, we can always stop streaming if complications arise.”

“I know. I'm just a little nervous because we will be reading these chats out loud. My children are picking up words everyday.”

“Don't worry.”

“Micha, Finny!” Phil yelled, “come here for a second.”

“What?” They both answer in unison and climbed up on the couch, sitting next to Phil.

“You know how we make videos and then a bunch of nice people watch them?”

Both of the twins nodded their heads.

“Well today we are going to talk to these nice people.”

“They're coming to our house?” Finny’s eyes widened.

Phil snickered, “no Fin, they're going to write. And then we will answer them.”

“But we can't wead,” Finny frowned. The letter “r” had not yet been added to Finny’s speech yet.

“That's right, but me and Daddy can. Do you two think that will be okay? If you don't want to then you don't have too.”

Finny and Micha looked at each other, “Daddy be sad if we do?”

“No, of course not,” Dan patted each of his children on the head, “if you want to help, then we want you to help. But, if you feel uncomfortable now or at anytime, please tell us!”

“Micha wants to help!”

“Finny too!”

The children jumped up and hugged their father, and then hugged Phil too. Phil looked at the time. “The live stream should be getting started.

“Then let's get this show on the road.”

Both men took a child into their lap—Finny in Phil's and Micha in Dan’s—and sat up a phone so they could all be seen.

“We can start talking when some people join,” Dan said to both of the twins. After about five minutes they had around thirty thousand people join. “Wave at the screen,” Dan said to the twins and all four of them waved.

Phil was looking through the comments, “Hello, Ashley101, DanandPhilTwins. How are you? I'm good how are you? Yes, AmazingPhilisNotonFire, the twins decided to join us for our livestream.”

“Hello!” Both of the children said without warning, surprising both me.

“What they said,” Dan smiled.

“Yes, hello, JamieTypon, ChelseaCramer, AllieK8t. Hello everyone, thank you for going our stream today.”

“Hello!” Micha held out his arms.

The comments overloaded with “awe” and “so cute” and “did the nickname stick”.

“Wellllll Dan still calls him Michael, but it seems that the name is gonna stick according to all of the comments.” Phil looked at Dan, “but, if Dan hates it, we will respect his wishes and call the young one here, Michael.”

“I think we should let him decide.”

“Well, Michael. Do you like Michael or Micha?”

“I wike Micha, but I want to make Daddy to be happy.” The young toddler wrapped his arms around Dan’s arm in a hugging motion.

“Then Micha it is,” Dan smiled at his son. He didn't care what he called him as long as he was a healthy happy child.

“So today we thought we could do a Q&A with the you.”

“Yes, but,” Dan cut in, “we ask that you keep your questions child friendly and please stay away from person relationship questions. And please, don't think that if you ask those questions we will call your name out and scold you. We are going to completely ignore questions that deal with any sensitive matters.”

“That's right, we will end this live stream if you cannot understand why we are doing this. We know there are fans who would never do these things, so please don't ruin it for them. At the beginning we will point out of questions are not what you should be asking. If we answer your questions then you know that you're on the right track.”

“So the first question I see is from AmilyIsHype,” Phil read off the page, “if this is to sensitive then please don't answer. Dan this is a question about the twins. How did you pick the names of the twins.”

“Well, AmilyIsHype, when me and Rose found out we were having twins we decided immediately that the boy’s name would be Michael because that is Phil's middle name. But, the little girl's name had not been decided yet. During Rose’s last months of pregnancy we had everyone put in a name that they liked.” He smiled in remembrance at each of their friends choosing a name. “A few days before Rose went into labor we pulled out some names. The first three, I can't really remember what they were now, but at the time we knew that those names were not for our child. Then we pulled out the name “Finley”. Rose said “it’s kinda cute, but I don't really know.” So during this time Phil was raiding our pantry from some chips or some shit, I mean stuff, like that. Yes, Michael I will put a dollar in the swear jar in a minute. Anyways, Phil was listening to our choice of names, and when he heard Finley, he said “that kind of sounds like Finny.”

Phil laughed thinking back to that day. A heavily pregnant Rose was getting pissed because she hated every name that they were pulling out of the bowl. And to Phil's remembrance, they were some pretty terrible names.

“So Rose was like “Finny”? and then she repeated the names over and over again, until she finally looked at me and said “Finny”? again. And that's how we knew what our daughters name was going to be. So, yes, both of the twins names came from Phil. The children will have to thank him in the future for both of their very unique names since Michael is now being called Micha.”

“I think they will love their names in the future,” Phil looked down at both of the children, “isn't that right?”

Both of the twins giggled.

“Let's get on with our next question,” Dan said, “okay Phil this one is mainly for you, but it could go for either of us I think. Hey, Phil, the twins have been living with you with birth and I'm sure they look up to you like a father figure. How come that don't call you something along the lines of Uncle or Papa, something that shows they are partially your children?”

“That one is kind of a sensitive subject, Dan do you want to answer it.”

“We discussed it a little when the children were first learning to talk. It will be up to them when they get older if they want to start calling Phil a parental term.”

“Next question,” Phil said quickly. The subject of the children calling Phil a father-like term made him think that he was taking Roses place away from the children. Though they would never know their mother, both he and Dan wanted to keep their mother alive in spirit.

“Okay let’s see. I'm seeing a few inappropriate ones, guys, really, we will end the stream. Okay so here is a question that is slightly sensitive, but I'm going to answer it anyways.”

“Alright, let us hear it.”

Dan read off the question, “when you are out with the twins, are you often mistaken for a couple, and if so, are you sometimes wrongly discriminated for it.”

“Hmm, I guess when they were babies more people asked us if we had adopted them. We used carriers when they were younger and each of us would take a child. So to most people it would look like we were. I don't think anyone has ever tried to discriminate us for it though, we would get funny looks for it sometimes.”

“Yeah, I agree, most people think that the twins are so cute they don't even pay attention to us.”

The twins who had began to mess with each other, giggled.

“Okay our next question is from, Danniboi,” Phil read, “who does the hair for the children.”

“Me,” Dan cut in, “we took them to a barber once and it was terrible, so I had one of our friends that is a mother show me how to do hair. As you can see Finny’s hair is long so I can braid, French braid, and in the future of course I know how to straighten hair.” Finny had taken Dan’s curly hair, but her moms blue eyes. And Michael took Roses straight, light colored, hair, but Dans dark brown eyes. Both children had dimples, on both cheeks, from Dan’s singular dimple trait. “Next question.”

“Alright next question is from, AmaxingAlexis, who likes shopping more for the twins clothes?”

Dan looked at Phil and laughed, “the award goes to Phil for that one.”

Phil rolled his eyes, “if Dan chose the clothes then we would only have black clothes for the twins. And we are not letting Dan’s soul tarnish the children.”

“In all seriousness, Phil is better at picking out clothes that are fun and go together. Though sometimes our children look like a color pallet.” Dan laughed not realizing that he had said “our children”. Phil glanced over at him trying to not point out what he had just said, but it failed and everyone seemed to notice except Dan.

After that the chat began to blow up. “Alright guys I think it's time to end the live stream. Thank you for joining our Q&A session. Probably won't be doing it again, with the twins at least. But we can think about revisiting it.”

“Bye guys!”

They ended the stream with both children giggling and happy. “Daddy,” Micha began, “why did we have to say bye to all the people?”

“Sometimes, people don't understand that our family is a little different than others. But, it is, and some people can't accept that so they question us in ways that we can't answer.”

“Wike when we do colors and mess up?”

“Something like that,” Dan laughed, “yeah, just like when we do colors.”

“Do you two want a snack?” Phil asked standing up from his sitting position.

“Yes!” The answer came in unison.

After an eventful and slightly stressful livestream they could all use a snack before bedtime.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think. 
> 
> Kudo.


	4. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay let's be real here. I was a little scared posting the chapter because it's a total different way than what I was going to take this story. It may seem like it's going to be soon, but I think it'll work.

Dan woke to the sound of his twins laughing at his roomate. Lately, it seemed like the children were more attached to Phil than they were their own father. But, who could blame them? Their own father was more fucked up than they or the internet could even see.

He lay in bed for a few moments, his head killing him. He looked over at the alarm clock and realized that he had only slept for an hour and a half at the most. No wonder his head was hurting. He felt sick to his stomach, like a never ending flu.

His short, light, sleep had lead to horrendous nightmares. Usually he would dream about Rose being ripped from his arms in dangerous situations. Lately, things had changed in his dreams. Instead of seeing his late wife ripped from, he had been seeing Phil dying is despicable ways. He assumed it was because of the role that Phil now played in the children's life.

He was grateful that his nightmares no longer resulted in him waking up with a scream from his lips. When the twins were babies he would wake them up from their sleep with his nightmares.

The last few weeks had been good nights and good days, but last night wasn't a goodnight. So today would not be a good day. He pulled himself out of his bed, his limbs feeling like weights to heavy for a bodybuilder to press.

It was definitely not a good day. And, if he was being honest, he didn't want to deal with anything socially. But, he had twins to see too now. Depression ate at him with desperation.

He could hear the laughter from outside his bedroom door as he stepped into his conjoined bathroom. The bathroom was a complete and utter mess which didn't add to the already bad day. He would need to clean soon; before more grime grew on the walls and ceiling.

The water from his shower was hot and scalding, helping his headache slightly, but not completely. He felt like falling over in the shower. His vision faltering in and out. A fucking panic attack first thing in the morning. Dan stepped out and grabbed a towel. Then slid down into the floor with a thump.

“Dan?” He heard Phil call from the other room. His breaths were coming out to quickly and he wasn't able to answer. He was a grown man for fucks sake. A grown man with children. A sling father of two. And here he was having a panic attack on his bathroom floor. From the room he head Phil ask the twins to go take their plates in the living room and that he would follow them soon.

Dan heard footsteps coming toward them. They were louder than they would be in a regular time, but when Dan had an attack every one of his senses were heightened but so far out of reach.

“Dan, oh my god!” Phil said, his voice bouncing inside of Dan’s splitting skull. Phil fell onto his knees where Dan sat on the floor. “Is this a panic attack?”

Dan nodded still trying to keep his breathing under control, but failing. His chest felt like someone was dropping cinder blocks over and over again. He gripped at his chest to let Phil know that was one of his symptoms.

“Okay Dan, I want you to focus on my voice.” After Rose had died, Dan had started seeking mental help. On multiple occasions, Phil would accompany him to the sessions. When his panic attacks got to be regular, Phil decided to learn how to help in the situation. So he took lessons with a psychiatrist and read a multitude of books to help with the situation at hand.

“Focus on the sound,” Phil said slowly, “I am a familiar person in your life. You know my voice.” He shut his eyes listening to Phil's voice.

“Now I want you to breath in and out,” Phil placed his hand on Dan's diaphragm, “let's start off small and work our way to eight seconds.”

Dan began to calm down. His breathing evened out and his heart rate began to slow from racing. He was slowly coming back to reality. “Are you with me Dan?” Phil asked. He took his hand off of Dan and stood up. He wet a cloth and grabbed some medicine out of the cabinet and filled up a backup medicine cup with water. “Here, I want you to take this. I know your stomach is empty, but I will get you some food soon.” Dan took the pills from Phil's hand and swallowed.

“Can you speak now?”

“And breath.”

“Come on, let's get you to your bed.”

“I don't have any clothes on.”

Phil realized that Dan wasn't dressed, only a small towel covered him. “We will get you some clothes.” Phil dragged Dan up off the ground. It had been quite sometime since he had done this.

He sat Dan on the side of the bed while walking over to the closet. “What set if off?”

“I had a nightmare.”

Phil pulled a pair of sweatpants and an oversized shirt from the closet. “You want to talk about it?”

Dan shrugged feeling very exposed at the moment. “Not really,” he answered. He still wasn't fully there. He could tell that the air was chilly on his exposed skin and that Phil was talking to him. He knew where he was and that his panic attack was over. But, his senses were practically numb.

“Raise your arms,” Phil held up the oversized shirt ready to dress Dan.

“What?”

“I'm not going to rush you falling so I'm getting you dressed, and then I'm going to get some food into your system.”

Phil dressed Dan to his dismay. “I dress the twins all the time. It's really nothing.” And with those fee words years sprang from Dan's eyes. “Hey, hey it's no big deal. Really Dan, we both are men. I'm not going to judge you.”

“It's not the fucking clothes!” Dan all but yelled. He was sure the children heard him through the walls. They would be here any moment to see the failure that their daddy had become.

“Dan, calm down.”

“Don't tell me what to do Phil. Not today, alright.”

“Did I do something to make you upset. I tried to handle-”

“That's the fucking problem Phil, you handle everything around here. You handle the cooking, the cleaning, the shopping. You handle my children. My fucking kids, Phil.” Dan couldn't stop the words that were coming from his mouth. The hurt was starting to fall out, he was starting to falter.

“I just try to help,” Phil's eyes and voice showed signs of being hurt, but his stature remained the same.

“Well maybe it's time you stop helping.”

Phil looked at Dan, “I am going to go check on the children. And then I'm going to bring you some food. After that, I am going to take the children out for a little while.”

“There you go again, being more of a father to my children than their own father is. Don't you see the problem here?”

Phil got up and walked out of the room, not listening to Dan’s hateful comments.

Ah, yes, what a glorious day. Dan felt the wetness on his face and whipped it away. He knew that he went to far, it was just a side effect of the medicine. Phil, he hoped, knew that it wasn't him talking.

A few minutes later Phil brought in a plate of food. He sat it and a cup of coffee on the bedside and then walked back out. After hearing a few noises, Phil walked back into the room and sat a glass of water down on the nightstand.

“I'm sorry, Phil,” Dan cried, “I'm so fucked up. I'm so so sorry.”

Phil sat down on the side of the bed, “you can say the worst things in the world to me. Hell, over the last two years you pretty much have on bad days. But, you haven't run me off yet, and I'm nowhere close to eating” he paused and grabbed the plate, “so eat, and don't worry about it. I'm always going to be here Dan. Though the good and the bad days. I made that promise to you. And I'm going to fulfill it.”

“But, what I said?”

“It's in the past, and it's in the future. But, that one bridge has been crossed, and we will cross the next one when it gets there.”

“I know you said something about taking the children out, but maybe we could just sit in here and watch a movie or two?”

“Do you think you can handle it?”

“Yes, I'm fine now. I just had a…”

“I know, I'll bring the children in here in a few minutes. Why don't you eat first?”

“Okay that sounds good to me,” Dan said as Phil handed him the plate of food. The plate, though made with slight anger, was still filled with love. Phil really did care. He would always care.

* * *

 

“Is Daddy alright?” Micha asked when Phil came back into the living room.

“Yes, he is,” Phil let out a sigh, “your daddy just has bad days sometimes.”

“Like when Finny is bad and gets in trouble?” Funny asked.

“Sorta like that. Your Daddy gets sad sometimes.”

“Is he mad at us?” Micha asked.

“No, never. It's kinda hard to explain. You know when me and your daddy are talking sometimes and you ask questions so he tells you to wait until you get older and then you'll understand?”

“Yeah, he does that all the time,” Finny replied.

“Because some things are meant for adults to deal with.”

“So we don't make daddy sad?” Finny looked up at him.

“Of course not,” Phil patted on them both on the head, “both of you give him more happiness than you can ever imagine.”

“You make Daddy happy too!” Both the children giggled.

Phil hid behind a fake smile. He wasn't really sure if that was even true anymore. Maybe he should start to distance himself from them soon. Maybe that would be for the best.

It pained his heart, broke it into a million pieces, when he sent the children into Dan's bedroom.

“Hey, Dan, we need some things so I'm going to run to the store.”

“Are you sure we need it right now?”

“Yes, I should go. Have fun watching the movie.”

“Okay, I will see you later,” Dan smiled at him as the children climbed on the bed.

Phil slowly shut the door and let out a small breath. This was something he needed to do. He wasn't the children's father, he wasn't anything more than a friend to Dan. Phil was just there to help out when things got out of hand. Phil was the backup plan.

He looked at the building as he walked out. Today, he thought, something feels like it's going to change.

And change it did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think. I'm happy with this chapter, but some of you may not be. 
> 
> Comments  
> Kudos

**Author's Note:**

> Comment and let me know what you think. Kudo if you want.


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